Tuesday, 21 February 2012


Beautiful blue winter skies and majestic old beech tree
I have to confess to feeling a little overwhelmed by things at the moment.  I know it will be just a phase and some of it is completely self inflicted but I guess at times life just gets like this.
It is a combination of things I think.  John's job is really uncertain at the moment, it has been really for the last year, but it is all coming to a head in the next few weeks and, while it could all work out well, there is a chance things will go very pear shaped - but at least by the end of March we will actually know and then also be able to plan knowing what we are going to have to deal with.
A neighbouring field - horse jumps are not just for horses!

And Katie still thinks night-time should involve milk feeds which I can completely understand but I would rather she showed signs of dropping at least one of them.  Tiredness really doesn't help when it comes to keeping things in perspective!  Frustratingly, also, in the last few days she has forgotten how to sleep during the day - which means she is getting very unhappy as she really needs a couple of good sleeps.........and I hate to see her so miserable, especially when I know what the solution is (i.e. go to sleep) but she doesn't.
Do the horses realise they are jumping over dinosaurs?!
I have, probably stupidly, given myself quite a lot of sewing to finish off in the next few weeks.  It is sewing that I really want to do, and have to now as I don't have the opportunity to look for alternate things to wear, but I get myself all tied up with knots when I don't get on as well as I'd like to - and also don't want it to intrude on spending as much time as possible with Katie and the others when they come home after school.

Setting off for another walk
So, it isn't anything really major, just a combination of factors pulling me in different directions and making me unsettled and unsure about what I should be doing with myself.  In a wee while, I'm pretty sure, it will all seem fairly minor and I'll wonder what I was so stressed about (at least I hope so!).

Having said all that we had a lovely time over the February half-term.  We spent a few nights at my parents' house (they are still away).  It is so relaxing there, mum and dad have a range of jackets, wellies, bikes etc for the children to use so that we can just turn up without too much planning (well, with a baby and three children plus dogs - not to mention the cats and rabbit that are left at home - there's always a fair bit of planning involved in going away but going to their house involves less than going most places!).  And it is such a wonderful place especially when the sun is out and we can just enjoy pottering around outside.

And here's the cheeky little sleep-monkey enjoying her first taste of baby rice.  She thinks it is yummy.  I was a little uncertain about starting her as she's just 5 1/2 months but I think she was ready.  I'm keen to get her feeding well so I can go away overnight in mid-March.  If she's eating confidently I don't need to worry so much about whether she'll take her milk from a bottle for the 24 hours I am away - John can just shovel her full of food instead, not ideal but okay for a short period.  Hopefully they'll both be okay!
Sorry about my rather gloomy post I don't normally like to moan too much on here but, just now, it really feels like the thing to do.  So, sorry, to all you poor people who are having to read me off-loading my grumbles .


Jen Walshaw said...

You are bound to feel down with lots of things going on. As you say lack of sleep makes it really hard to put things in perspective and the not knowing about John's job must be hard. I always find I am better when I actually know something rather than worrying about "might bes". Katie looks adorable as always

Please can you turn off captcha as it is now two words and I am finding it hard to comment (dyslexic in me)

Julie said...

Jen - yes, I'll try turning off the word verification, the new one is just nuts, I really don't like double-word ones. Will see what happens when it is off - I did try a few months ago but got a fair bit of spam, hopefully better now. Juliex

Jackie said...

It's rubbish when you feel like that! Some sleep would be good though. I hope that everything sort itself out with your husbands job too ~ it must be such a worry for you both. Could you possibly let me know where about in East Lothian those lovely horse jumps are? :O)x

Down by the sea said...

Hi Julie,

Hope with Katie starting solids that she soon starts sleeping though the night. She does look a poppet! There is nothing worse that lack of sleep and things always feel worse during the night. Hope your worse fears are not realised.

Julie said...

Jackie - I'll reply by email. And, yes, sleep always helps! Juliex

Julie said...

Sarah - she is definitely a poppet, and I know she'll get there one day. Juliex

Mrs. Micawber said...

Sleep deprivation is the worst. (If only you didn't have to be up in the daytime, you could just stay up all night and get your sewing done then...)

What beautiful huge trees in your pictures.

I hope things settle down soon for you. Hang in there.

Beth said...

I'm really sorry to read that life is being tough on you at the moment, I hope everything eases up as soon as possible and that you start to get some sleep as well, I find things very difficult when I am sleep deprived. Beth (the linen cat)x

Julie said...

Sue, I'm sure things will settle down again in a few weeks, they usually do! Juliex

Julie said...

Beth - yes, sleep deprivation is sooo hard, but it won't last for ever (she says hopefully). Juliex

millefeuilles said...

This post has made me feel totally sympathetic for you. I think as a full-time mother it is so difficult to take a step back from it all. I understand totally. Babies are so fabulous but my goodness they can really take a lot of our energy away. It will ALL be worth it in the end. I often find that just when you think things are really tough the phase passes and you find yourself breathing more easily.

I also understand you feelings about your husband's job. Exactly the same thing happened to us two years ago. It was difficult but it allowed us to move on to better things eventually. Have faith. I am sure things will work out for you all.

Sewing? Yes, I am a little overloaded too and I am finding it, um, challenging to do it with a toddler and puppy at home with me.

I am having a giveaway which could make your heart sing a little. One of the gifts is a book illustrated by the French paper artist Miss Clara. If you have a minute during your frantically busy day pop over and take a look.

Hang in there.


Annie said...

Gosh, those pics of Katie's getting to grips with a spoon took me back ... I have a similar set of my youngest of four (a chap in my case, scarily now old enough to shave, and doesn't typing that make me feel ancient!).

And for the second time, the first having been when the children were young, we too face uncertainty as my husband's job hangs in the balance. So I do know how you must be feeling, but take heart, somehow life seems to always eventually throw us sugar to go with the lemons.

Like Stephanie I also am hosting a giveaway just now, I'm not sure mine will make your heart sing but it might bring a smile to your day x

Locket Pocket said...

I'm so sorry to hear you are having a tough time - we have similar work worries in the Locket household that are hopefully going to just end up in a job-share rather than job-loss but it is still difficult and I am choosing not to think about it. On the plus side, your photos are joyful! Every one of them! Lucy xx